I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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