Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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