I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
