dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
