Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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