I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
