i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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