he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this will be a night to untag.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
