I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
