She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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