drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
