Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
