why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
