i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her vagine was all disorganized.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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