Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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