Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
