i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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