hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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