Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize