I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
