he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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