At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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