Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize