Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
