I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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