did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
