Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have aggressive nipples.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
