so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
