swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
