I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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