the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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