...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
