I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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