she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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