My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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