I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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