Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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