True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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