The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
