why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
