he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
