also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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