you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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