do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
