Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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