so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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