I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
