Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
