She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
