Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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