so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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