I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
