hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
