So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
