im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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