Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize