Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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