Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont even know how to be here
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
