I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
