Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
