yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
