I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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