I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize