Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize