I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
