All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
