I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
