i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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