you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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