the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
