she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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