So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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