you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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