I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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