Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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