walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
