I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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