The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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